I just watched Ben Carson, presidential candidate vying for the Republican nomination, live on MSNBC having a small shit-fit about whether or not he received a full scholarship to the famous military academy, West Point. And apparently, it has come to light that Dr. Carson has fabricated the story. Shit is hitting the fan as we speak.
If you are not current on US president bullshit, allow me to give you the rundown. In 2016, Americans will say good-bye to Barack Obama and hello to either Bernie Sanders (aka Larry David), Hillary Clinton (wife of former president/big pimp Bill Clinton), Donald Trump (fuck…), or Ben Carson. It all depends on the next few months of dick-measuring and politicking to the nth degree.
One of my all-time favorite movies is the Coen Brothers’ film, The Big Lebowski, a movie with some of the greatest characters ever written, in my opinion. The eponymous character, Jeffrey Lebowski, is a fat-cat, wealthy old man whose patience for “bums” is as small is as his vocal cords when he screams about “achieving”. Watching Dr. Carson this evening, behaving in a similar manner, gesticulating wildly, I had a revelation! He’s Lebowski-ing all of us!
Carson’s entire platform reeks of Bill Cosby’s ‘Pound Cake’ speech: Hey other minorities (black peoples, let’s be honest), look what I did! I’m cool! #Judgement. Carson is not a politician, he’s a black guy from Detriot, Michigan who made a mint as a surgeon. That’s about it. I’m not entirely sure what else qualifies him other than, “Oh, the last prez was black, I’ve achieved, I got this!” #Lebowski. So, I’ve decided to brand this candidate, The Nig Lebowski. And, yes, I’m black so I can say that.
We’ll see if The Nig Lebowski wins the nomination. Until then, expect to hear his insipid rantings about how he used to stab people until Jesus touched him or something, while his shockingly not-white wife stands in head-to-toe Lane Bryant waiting for him to finish up so they can hit the bar before happy hour ends.