A little over two weeks ago I hit 90-days sober. Three months, baby! Despite this being a big accomplishment I did not feel like a winner. I still felt like a bum and a failure. Three months had passed since the fuzz sent my drunk-ass to detox. I’ve tried to quite drinking and using drugs before and failed miserably. Usually, I blow it around that 90-day marker. I know this because I made a usage timeline to get a visual perspective on my past drug and alcohol abuse. It wasn’t too hard because I’m only 22 but ay carumba was it upsetting. The longest stint that I’ve ever been sober has been 5-months. That’s pretty bad.
I’d almost gone a full year without a drink before my last relapse with alcohol. However, I had been smoking weed almost every day for probably five or six months before I went back to alcohol, my drug of choice. It wasn’t until I was in rehab this summer (for 2 months) that I finally understood that I really was an alcoholic and addict. But this new identity that I’ve found in accepting myself as a recovering alcoholic has been a major game-changer in the best way possible. If nothing else, for the first time in my life, I have found the people that I can relate to: other alcoholics and addicts in recovery.
Not feeling like a champ about reaching 3-months sober, I decided to take it to the internets because I wanted to not only share my shitty story but also to hear other people’s stories. It seems like there’s a bunch of other people in recovery just bloggin’ away who also thought that this might maybe help! So far I’ve been kinda excited to see other people’s recovery blogs. I’m just thrilled that others in recovery have been down to share their stories too.
Apart from the friends that I grew up with who know me and love me, I feel an immediate connection with other alcoholics and addicts and their stories. We all got the same bullshit to put up with right? It’s a strange kind of unconditional respect that everybody in recovery feels for one another. And that’s the community that I both want and need to be a part of if I’m going to remain sober.
I’m not a fucking scientist. I’m not a 12-step AA black belt. Or associate with any spirituality in particular (but I don’t knock any spirituality/higher power either). I’m a 2-time college dropout with a wicked bad drinking problem. But I honestly feel like as long as I stay sober there is some kind of hope. In the spirit of “fuck it — let’s see what happens” (a.k.a. science) I think that all of my optimism comes from the belief that all of this suffering isn’t for nothing. We all gotta stay alive and stay sober. And probably most importantly, share our stories with each other and try to make some sense out of this disease of addiction that’s ruining our lives.
I just wanted to say hey and wish everybody good luck. Maybe we can figure something out together! At the very least, we’re all in recovery and we’re all blogging like blog monsters. Let’s keep in touch, my dogs!