Last week I started my DOPE-ASS office job working as a call service agent. Mostly, I fill out IRS WOTC tax forms for new company hires all across the country. I came in on the morning of my third day and got an email saying that there would be no Spanish translators in the office that day. Seeing an opportunity to be THE MAN, I bravely and humbly informed my supervisor that I spoke Spanish and could easily fill out tax forms for people calling in. GLORY BOY to the rescue! And so I went at it and after a few butchered calls I started straight up killing it.
I’ve been speaking Spanish for ten years now since I began learning it in 7th grade. I took it over French because…………..why the fuck would I learn French? I don’t even have the ca$h to go to Montreal. French isn’t useless but this is the best reason I can give for not learning French if you live in America: I’ve used more Haitian Creole in my life than French. I don’t even speak Haitian Creole but I’ve used my handful of broken phrases to communicate effectively with other human beings and make myself understood. I have used zero French. French is a cool language and it is useful to know but if you’re trying to make a quick buck off of your remedial linguistics skillz like this player? Fuck that shit. Learn Spanish, bro.
At the last job I worked, most of my co-workers were from El Salvador and I spoke mostly Spanish when I was on the job. My Spanish is not horrible but it’s not perfect. I would say my Spanish skills are at about the same level as a slow but literate 13 year old. My accent is a little fucked up because I’ve had teachers from Cuba, Spain, and Mexico all teach me how to speak. That’s like having somebody from England, the highlands of Scotland, and America all teach you how to talk English. None of that shit is the same. Just think about how fucking hard it is to understand people from Boston, Mississippi, or Chicago. That’s three different types of gutter-speak all from the same country and none of it sounds the same. The good part about speaking Spanish to native speakers from so many countries has been that I can understand the nuances of the different accents and differences in word meanings and usage. The good news for anybody who just kind of has a goodass grasp on Spanish is that it doesn’t take a genius to fill out a tax form.
That’s what I’m starting to love about my new job at the office. I’m hoping to get hired on full-time as a Spanish translator after I graduate from being a temp. I may not have the best Spanish in the world but my strength is in my bravery. I fill out tax forms. If you know numbers, question words, and the alphabet all in Spanish, you can probably do this. The only real tricks are that you have to be unafraid to speak it. A lot of people are nervous about speaking there own language. I’m less shy in Spanish because I know it’s got mad holes in it. Never be afraid to fail really fucking badly! It’s about having the right attitude and being a badass. Oh man, when I whipped out my Spanish on my first tax form test run you should have seen the jaws drop, man! It was like being a fucking wizard. That might just be because absolutely NOBODY in New Hampshire speaks Spanish and we have virtually no Latin population but no worries, IRS, I’m on the job!
If I wasn’t a total clown, I would have gone to school for Spanish. However, ten years of actively engaging and speaking Spanish with native speakers has gotten me to a level of better than passable fluency. Translating is the bomb and speaking Spanish is a highly underrated skill because it’s pretty much necessary in every job you can think of. I never even thought about this as a career path but so far it’s making me happy. Stay in school kids! And do yer Spanish cuz this is ‘MURICA! And if nothing else, it’s 2015 and if you work and you’re not a fuckboy then you should know some Spanish.