As we all know, the three of us are battle depression or some kind of mental issue.
My colleagues are better about opening up than I am. I’ll open up to them, but they’ve also seen me at my worse, on multiple occasions.
The past week or so I’ve been in my head a lot and I’ve been battling a question, something that I assume most people don’t about, or don’t think about often.
I don’t like the holidays. October 31st-January 2nd, don’t be near me. I’ll be the first one to admit I’m a Grinch. (Side note: I also hate that someone who doesn’t like the Holiday season is nick named a Christmas character) Halloween was ruined by a traumatic experience a few years back and don’t get me started on thanksgiving and Christmas. Both holidays revolve around family, something that I’ve struggled with my entire life.
During this time of year my normal ritual is simple. Be so high that I don’t know what my name is. Usually that works, but as I get older the less effective that method becomes, And this year….nope not working.
So this is what changed.
For the first time in my life my family headquarters isn’t going to be in the small town in rural Michigan that I hated with a passion. I’m not going to be sent back to negative temperatures and a house full of negative and traumatic memories.
In other words I’m happy. Or I think I am. Or I’m on my way to being happy. I don’t know what’s going on or how I feel.
To make a long story short I’ve had a hard life. School and I never worked, family wasn’t a thing, I’ve always been really sick and my heart is an idiot, to say the least. There’s a hole in trying to fill, but that’s for another time.
I’m going through a change and I think it’ll be for the best.